1. I have two beautiful daughters who test my patience almost daily. They can take impressive amounts of time to accomplish the most simple of tasks. We have gone through many methods of incentives, punishment, etc to try and help them speed up. Nothing seems to work long term. It's like they were programed specifically to drive me up the wall sometimes.
2. Right now I am blessed/cursed to have a job. At the beginning of my latest earning potential I had grand goals of paying off debt, buying windows for the house, a new computer, and perhaps a big fat savings account for the day when we will have to purchase a new car. I figured it would only take.....well we won't say how long I thought it would take, only that it's taking ALOT longer.
3. At this moment I have also ran out of patience completely with my body. It seems that no matter how much I work, it has decided to hold onto fat cells that I know I have blasted in countless workouts.
4. If this is not all enough to get me to let go and just take things as they come, I have an internal clock, more like time bomb, that is ticking. I have been able to ignore this ticking in the past, in fact, it really hasn't bothered me for much of the 7 1/2 years since I had my children. I was very effective at ignoring it for at least 5 years. Then it grew in volume, not much just some background noise now and then. Fast forward to, let's see, NOW and it's like a constant undertone in my brain. I don't know why, I am happy with what I have in the child department. Sure when I hold a baby, I get the warm gushy feeling of wanting another one. But why the constant barrage of, "Why hasn't it happened yet?" "Will it ever happen?" "Why aren't you just content with what you have?" "Should I be doing something more about it?" "Am I okay if it doesn't happen?" "Should I be okay about that?" It's a mean loop of questions that have no answer, at least no right now. So I am waiting, and have been for quite some time for some answers. All I hear is silence, nothing, just empty space. This is the test for which I am not ready, I have not been cramming all these years for it. Oh that we could save up our patience to use in such a time.
5 comments:
I hear you on all of those things!!! Maybe we should trade kids for a few days so we'll learn to appreciate our own again (quirks and all!).
Was there even a line for patience in heaven, cuz I'm pretty sure I missed it. Or perhaps it's the virtue most readily burned through - if only it was as tenacious as fat cells :)
You know, when Katie was in the hospital for her first 5 weeks of life, it was hard. It was hard not knowing if she would come home or possibly when she could come home. During those 5 weeks I grew and stretched and prayed and grew and stretched and prayed. Finally when the day came that she could come home with us, I remember the thought that I had as we were driving that same route that we had driven to and from the hospital. I had the thought, "if I had known that Katie would be okay and would be comeing home 5 weeks later, I wouldn't have had the same stretching (and I mean that in a painful way) experience."
I hope I am not sounding like, "just buck up, Megan." I am totally empathizing with you and telling you--just hold on. You're such a superstar!
Let's get together soon.
I wish I lived closer to you Megan! I miss you!
Megan- I love reading your Blogs and I know I don't comment enough. But, Thanks for being such an inspiration to me. When I get frustrated with all life's challenges, I try to remember President Hinckley's saying "keep on, keeping on" (or was that President Benson's?) Anyways I figure if the prophet of a church has to keep on keeping on and does it with such ease, I can too.
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